How Do You Solve A Problem Like Maria? - Episode 3

The competition portion of the initial live show starts with host Gavin Crawford (who looks more like a Conan O’Brien marionette every episode) naming the first two performers. They are Toronto’s Allie Hughes, 22, (how many times will she be referred to as ‘quirky’ tonight?) and 24 year old Dartmouth native, Kyla (I wanna feel) Tingley.

Allie does Christina Aguilera's It's Oh So Quiet. She does it wearing an outfit that makes her look like a eight year old playing dress-up; an electric-blue Danskin dance top (that squashes her boobs flat while showing off her bra straps) with a ratty black tutu that she has hiked up over her belly like old man pants. The performance is great, though. Hammy as hell, but, hey, it’s musical theatre.

Kyla does Torn, by Natalie Imbruglia, and I’m surprised by the choice. The song isn’t like anything in The Sound of Music. Even though Allie’s It's Oh So Quiet was also by a contemporary pop diva, it is a song that drips theatre. Imbruglia’s Torn, on the other hand, would fit right in at either of Dartmouth’s Tuesday night open stages.

The girls stand together on the stage and Crawford goes to the judges; Barrowman, Overholt and Lee. We get the obligatory patronizing pat on the head (“Canada should be proud”) from Barrowman and the crowd embarrasses us all by applauding in gratitude. He calls Allie quirky (that’s 1), but can’t take his eyes off Kyla. Overholt felt Allie “took the stage by storm,” and Kyla “was on fire.” Lee agrees that Allie is “quirky, as John mentioned,” (that’s 2) and was pleased with Kyla’s “hidden depths,” which I took to be a reference to the way her dress showed off her bosom.

Next up; Windsor’s Katie Kerr, 19, and Janna Polzin, 24, from Woodstock. Katie tackles Cindi Lauper’s Girls Just Wanna Have Fun. They are using a live orchestra, but the backup vocals are taped. Katie appears thrown off balance when the harmonies come in loud and she goes briefly off key.

Janna, dressed in the first evening gown of the evening, does My Baby Just Cares for Me, which she opens from the top of a staircase. The entrance is a classic and she sings the tune like it’s a show-stopper. Unfortunately, it is really only a pleasant diddy that can be fun when Louie and Keely goof it up, but can’t hold the weight of the staging it gets here. We later find out that musical director Simon Lee is to blame for the night’s odd song selections. Overholt gives Janna a bravo and kind of glosses over Katie’s problems. Lee alludes to “improvements” that he hopes to see in Katie’s performances as the series progresses. Barrowman bluntly tells her that her performance was unacceptable. Ouch. The segment closes with Crawford doing a bestiality joke about lonely goat herders.

An odd video is now inserted in the show – evidently all 10 finalists were flown to Austria, dressed in traditional outfits and filmed dancing and singing to The Hills Are Alive in a variety of picturesque settings. Simon Lee says he felt it was important for the women to experience the actual setting of the play. I can’t imagine Rodgers and Hammerstein doing field research, but maybe I’m wrong.

Elicia MacKenzie, a 23 year old from Vancouver, and Donna, a 22 year old dog groomer from Oshawa are next. Elicia, in a purple empire dress, does the old Petula Clark chestnut, Colour My World. The voice is excellent, but the performance isn’t – stiff, boring, no emotional dynamics. Donna (who looks like she has lost weight) rips up I Am Changing and brings down the house. For the first time in the competition we get the sense of a singer working with the orchestra and the result is stunning. All three judges have nothing but praise for both. C’mon, guys: judge! No way should Elicia have been on the same stage as Donna.

Kitchener’s Marisa McIntyre, 25, who has appeared in Momma Mia, another Mirvish production, and Guelph’s Alison Jutzi, 29, are up. Marisa does Dolly Parton’s Jolene. There is nothing in her performance to distinguish her from a Canadian Idol contestant – no command of the stage, no emotional dynamics. My least favorite turn of the night. And if that weren’t enough, her hair style and colour have been changed and not for the better. She looked like a teacher doing chaperone duty at the prom. As for Alison, there was a mic malfunction that should give her a pass to the next round – no way to really evaluate her. And what was Simon Lee thinking when he assigned her the atrocious disco version of I'm Every Woman? Do not vote this woman out this week – she was sabotaged.

The judges are not impressed with either of them. All three complain about Marisa’s surprisingly one-dimensional performance, while the best they can say about Alison is praise her cool in handling the mic snafu.

The final two contestants are 24 year old Jayme Armstrong, from Richmond, BC, and 21 year old Tamara Fifield from Truro, NS. Tamara does Somewhere Over the Rainbow. She makes non-traditional melody and timing choices, which can be dangerous when working with a standard. But when it works, as it does tonight, it revives a beautiful song.

Jayme pulls out all the stops in a vamping, soulful turn with Son of a Preacher Man that, good as it is, is hurt by the failure of the orchestra to put the signature horn lines (especially the two-note octave drop accent in the chorus) out front where they belong. I guess that’s why this is an orchestra, not a band.

Overholt is ecstatic about both women. Barrowman, on the other hand, thinks Tamara is “dead behind the eyes.” Nobody has anything bad to say about Jayme. Lee is happy with both.

See you tomorrow for the vote tally and the sing-off between the bottom two, who should be Marisa and Katie.