So You Think You Can Dance Canada - Top 18

Changes from last week:
- 18 dancers/9 couples;
- With Kevin and Bre eliminated last week their partners, Natalli and Francis, have been partnered up;
- No big opening production number with dancers dressed and painted to look like south sea island cannibals in a circa 1950 black and white two reeler on the bottom half of the local RKO theatre’s Saturday matinee.

Other than that, it’s the same as last week:
- Luther, Blake Tre and Jean Marc are still the judges;
- Tonight’s voting will still determine the bottom 3 couples and those 6 dancers will still have to dance for their lives in tomorrow night’s results show;
- The dancers again do a 5 second turn when they are introduced;
- Izaak again grabs his crotch;
- Francis, shirt unbuttoned to the belly button, still looks like a Via Venetto gigolo;
- Vincent still looks like he slept in his clothes. Come to think of it, he may be wearing the same tank top and jeans he had on last week.
- The women are still uniformly beautiful.

Leah reviews the prizes the dancers are competing for and has to coax the audience to get it to applaud the $100,000 grand prize and the (shades of the Price is Right) NEW CAR!. Give it up for Mister 100 Grand! Reminds me of the time Oprah said orange was the new pink and the audience gave pink a round of applause and even a few cheers – swear to God.

Back to SYTYCDC. Before we get to the competition, the judges have some scolding to do. It seems we are not the perfect audience and need to shape up. Blake feels compelled to educate us: last week’s opening production fiasco was not the racist piece of crap we thought it was, but was in fact derived from a traditional Brazilian “martial arts” dance that “has never been done before on a So You Think You Can Dance stage across the world.” Wow. Do I feel stupid. I had no idea that aboriginal Brazilians even knew where the Orient was, much less the fighting techniques developed there, nor did I realize they wore grass skirts. Then Tre has “to get serious for a moment.” It seems some anonymous person out there – and she stresses that it is just “one person out there” – has criticized Jean Marc’s accent.

I’m stunned. Boorish behaviour? Sure. But worth a fucking second of my time, much less a dressing down on national TV? You’ve got beautiful skin, Tre, but it is dangerously thin. If you can’t stand 1 anonymous critic (I’m guessing a forum post or a crank letter) taking a cheap shot you should find a different line of work.

Please, judges - don’t waste our time like this again. Be the professionals you are getting paid to be. If your feelings are hurt, tell your lover. I’ve got enough problems of my own not to have to listen to you whine about yours.

First up are Allie and Danny. We get a “What is the best thing/worst thing about your partner” bit. For Allie, the best thing about Danny is his work ethic and the worst thing is his habit of leaving the top six buttons on his shirt undone. “Chest hair doesn’t turn me on,” she tells us. How can you not love this girl? And hand me the wax when you’re done. For Danny the best thing and the worst thing about Allie is the same thing – her effervescent cheerfulness. Seems she never turns it off. Yeah, boofreakinhoo, Danny. So tough having to endure Allie smiling at you all day long. But one must suffer for ones art, right?

Tonight they are doing a “New York style mambo” (mambo with kosher pepperoni?) choreographed by Melanie Lapatin and Tony Meredith. Melanie tells Allie, “There’s no cute in a mambo.” She wants them “Raw. Sensuous.” Looks like we are going to find out once and for all whether potato bug ear cute Allie has another gear in her transmission.

And boy; does she ever; a second gear, a third, a fourth and an overdrive.

They take their positions in the shadows. The opening paradiddle to Tito Puente’s Mambo Gozon raps out, the lights come up and Allie, wearing a bejeweled taffeta bikini, has a spike heel in Danny’s chest. The piano does that crazy opening rift, the band kicks in and cute little Allie is off on the road to perdition, shaking her boobs and butt just like a grown up lady.

The judges love it. Luther, who has had a crush on Allie since she first auditioned, calls the couple, “Unstoppable and undeniable.” Allie’s not daddy’s little girl anymore.

Vincent and Lisa, who brought the house down with last week’s best routine, do the best/worst bit and we realize we are going to get this from each couple. It can’t help but get repetitive and boring, so I’ll only note original comments, like the worst thing about Lisa from Vincent’s point of view. Vince, a Caucasian going back several generations, who clearly spends most of his life in practice studio, says “Next to Lisa’s beautiful brown skin I look transparent.”

Dressed as Raggedy Ann and Andy, they do a hip-hop number choreographed by Jae Blaze. Popping to Anti Matter by N*E*R*D*S*, they do a story of the two childhood icons loving each other in front of the camera but trying to kill each other whenever the other’s back is turned. Blaze must be talking about the graphic novel Raggedy Ann and Andy.

The bit isn’t bad, but it isn’t great – but that’s no fault of the dancers. The costumes were great – they wouldn’t have looked out of place on the Big Comfy Couch. Had they hip-hopped to something bright and innocent, it might have worked better; but doing this to N*E*R*D*S*? Terrible choice. The judges liked it, I didn’t. Maybe I was expecting too much after last week’s opus.

Nico and Arrasay. According to Nico the worst thing about Arrassay is she makes him look like a construction worker. To counter this impression Nico has shaved his head and gone from a Ryan Seacrest hairdo to a full Mohawk. Better a punk circa 30 years ago than a working stiff, hey dude?

Choreographer Melissa Williams describes her Theatre routine (evidently it’s an actual style of dance. Later in the show we will see a style called Dancehall. Is Mall a dance style? Grocery Store?) as a girl at her wits end and her guardian angel decides to become human to save her life.

They dance to Queen’s Somebody to Love. Oh, I get it: the girl is at her wit’s end because she doesn’t have a lover. Arrasay is costumed in a lovely red silk camisole with black panties. She collapses in longing. Nico steps out of the shadows and catches her as she falls. Like the guardian angels of old, he wears nothing but a pair of jeans and black ostrich feather wings. Maybe they should have used the Jefferson Airplane’s Somebody to Love. This bit is more psychedelic than glam.

For all that, the routine is magnificent in its evocation of sexual longing and romantic fulfillment. William’s choreography is the equal of what Stacey Tookey did last week for Vincent and Lisa. Thank you, guys. When this competition is complete I am going to make a mixed tape of the best routines. So moved are the judges that they don’t even mention the sloppy lift and spin at the end.

Natalli and Francis, our new couple of the week, do the Pasa Doble, a traditional Spanish flamenco dance with choreography by Lapatin and Meredith. Natalli is spectacular in a pale pink, ankle-length dress with a black lining that envelopes her when she spins. Francis wears the pirate shirt that Seinfeld so hated. As always, it is open to the navel. But the black pants with medallions up the side are kind of cool.

The performance is great. Natalli, who has never done the Pasa Doble, is mesmerizing, while Francis looks like he was weaned on this stuff. Leah, and the judges who made this pair possible by sending their partners home last week, ease their guilt over dumping Kevin and Bre by touting the coupling as something that was meant to be. “Everything happens for a reason” is uttered more than once. I hate that aphorism. Embrace chaos, I say. Didn’t Dylan free us from the tyranny of reason 40 years ago?

Oh, and Natalli’s breathlessness when she tries to address the judges is great. Nice to be reminded of the effort effortlessness requires.

Kaitlyn and Izaak. Last week the judges complained about a lack of connection between the two. They’ve got a chance to erase that complaint this week – they are doing Dancehall, a sexually charged dancing style from the streets of Jamaica, according to Luther. It looks like the choreography from the back lots of Burbank used in the movie Dirty Dancing back in ‘87. And, ooops – it is just the thing to expose what nobody is saying but what is increasingly clear. The youngsters, 18 year old Kaitlyn (straight, I assume) and 19 year old Izaak (openly gay), are unable to fake the sexual tension that underlies all dance but war and tap. This pair are my first pick of the night for the bottom 3.

Lara and Miles. Last week this unlikely duo – a contemporary/acro dancer and a hard core hip-hopper – killed a disco routine and showed some sexual spark when they slipped a kiss into their routine. Tonight they have a challenge. Miles has 0 formal training. When he learns they will be doing a Viennese waltz he asks, “What’s a Vietnamese waltz?”

Amy Wright choreographs a “passionate, steamy” waltz to Etta James singing At Last. The costuming is great – pure Street Car Named Desire with Lara in a red silk nightie and robe and Miles in a torn wife-beater tee and pants with the suspenders off the shoulders. And, yes, they brush lips. The crowd loves it. These two will be around for awhile.

Caroline and Jess do a hip-hop routine to Touch It by Busta Rhymes, choreographed by Tanisha Scott. I do not get the toy soldier oufits – and when I say toy soldiers I’m talking about 18th century French military full dress uniforms, not G.I. Joe. Luther thinks they didn’t “Sell” the moves as well as they could. Blake and Tre liked it. But all of them point out that b-boy Jesse, who should have killed in any hip-hop routine, was badly outdone by partner Caroline.

Tamina and Joey, criticized last week on the same no-connection basis that hurt Izaak and Kaitlyn, have a Paul Becker choreographed contemporary dance bit to Elton John’s Crocodile Rock. The story is Joey is a prisoner in a jail cell remembering his teen sweetheart. Tamina complains to the camera about Paul’s instructions. I’m thinking he is a protégé of Blake’s because they both use the same, “It’s a pow and a pow and a whoosh,” nomenclature (or lack thereof) we watched Blake use in the choreography rounds of the auditions.

The routine is, in Blake’s words, “a mess.” And it is – there are several moves that require them to use the cell bed as a prop and the dancers have to wriggle slightly to get to where they need to be to launch their next move. A firm thin vinyl covered mattress pad with next to no give should have been used. Not only would it have been more authentic as a jail bed, it would have been far better to dance on and off of. As for the lack of connection; the routine ends with a bang (Gun? Door slamming shut?) and Tamina dropping out of sight off the far side of the bed. The move and effect work well – that’s not the problem. The problem is Joey gets up and walks over to Leah, leaving Tamina to get to her feet and cross over alone. You know, earlier Arrasay complained that the worst thing about Nico was that he forgets that the woman goes first. Looks like Nico isn’t the only male dancer here who could afford to integrate the courtliness of dance a little better into their non-dance behaviour.

The judges ridicule the routine. Luther says it is the happiest jail dance he’d ever seen. Tre calls it more juvie than jail and says it looked like a sleep-over. Tamina stands up to them, telling the judges, “We did the best we could with what we were given." Here, here. Vecker also choreographed last week’s tribal dance production number. Let’s keep Tamina and Joey and vote off Becker instead.

Dario and Romina do a Sean Cheesman choreographed jazz pop routine to Rihanna’s Disturbia. It is 2nd best choreo of the night. But judge Luther still has problems with Dario – he’s such a fantastic, unique solo talent, but he is weak in dancing with partners. Romina, on the other hand, is looking stronger every dance. Jean Marc listens to the others and speaks for me when he says, “Dario is always going to be out of his element because there is no element for Dario. I don’t want this guy to leave this comp.”

That’s it for the dancers. Last words from the judges:

Luther praises the b-boys. He encourages Jesse, tells him he’s starting to get the hang of the new styles and should be proud. He then turns to Miles and tells him, “You are doing it.” The crowd cheers and Miles clearly has them wrapped around his finger.

Blake singles out Nico and Arrasay. Absolutely.

Tre picks Allie and Danny, calling them, “Stunning. You two have the chameleon god standing over you.” Is that like the Lizard King?

Jean Marc votes for Dario and Romina, “The most raw and the most talented dancers.” He looks into the camera. “I don’t want to lose them, so you know what to do.

But I still want to see Dario dance for his life – it’s the only time we get to see him practice his art, not someone else’s.