Canadian Idol 6 - Episode 3

The third and final audition show starts with a bunch of 8 year olds playing the judges. The get-ups are great and the dialogue mocks the adult versions with a surprising amount of wit. Much funnier than last night’s visit from Lloyd Robertson.

The first Idol wanna-be is Jonny Whitehead, a 23 year old corporal stationed at Petawawa and from nearby Wilno. He gets a profile, so we know he’s going through to Toronto. In it, the corporal tells us that when they go overseas they are “ready for anything they’re gonna throw at us.” So the stories about the Canadian Forces being woefully under-funded and poorly quipped are all lies? His Afghanistan veteran bio is compelling enough that you just know all he has to do is not go ape-shit with a flashback in the middle of Hootie’s Let Her Cry and he’s in the top 200. I mean, hell, before he’s sung a note Zack has already thanked him for serving his country on behalf of all of us. He doesn’t go ape-shit, but I can’t hear this voice beyond the top 100.

Kelsi Schauerte is a 20 year old pillow of a girl from Hay River in the Northwest Territories. Clarkson’s A Moment Like This is out of her range and Kelsi is out of the competition.

Port Perry’s Lisa Closs begs the question: if you could go back in time and kill Hitler or Whitney Houston at birth, who would you pick? I’m not even sure the song she tried to sing was a Houston song, but for all the warbling she did (missing probably half of the 260 note changes she tried to pull off in the first 2 bars), it might as well have been.

Celene Donnelly is a skinny 17 year old from Prescott whose chipmunk voice is perfect for Girls Just Wanna Have Fun. At least, that’s what I thought: the judges didn’t agree. I mean, yeah, she didn’t know how to use her diaphragm and she needs a couple of lessons, but the judges offered her nothing but complaints about her tone. C’mon, guys: Lauper is a chipmunk on Girls, but it works and then she breaks your heart on Time After Time, right? Hey, Celene; learn how a singer breaths and do Time After Time at next year’s audition, okay? Trust me on this.

Dan Young gets a profile. He is doing the audition at his mother’s insistence. She is in the final stages of cancer. The Ottawa 22 year old does a song about a guy whose head was found in a driving wheel, which is more than can be said for the fellow’s body, which is still missing. It would have worked better as a campfire story. Locals say the body is sometimes seen, stumbling through these very woods, searching for its missing head.

Farley, heartless but honest, tells Dan he’s not unique enough and passes. Zack makes something up about Dan being a “genuine” singer and he (Zack) tries to error on that side (huh?). And error he does. Farley sees where this is going (one of Zack’s pity passes) and hands Dan a ticket. But it’s in a good cause. The camera follows Dan to the hospice and we get to meet his mother, Carolyn Annette Wells. The segment closes with a white on black memorial to her.

Kristine Lankined, a sexy blonde 23 year old from Kanata, is a 2008 Ottawa U graduate with a BA in business. She’s also the episode’s first attraction with a hope in hell of making it through to the live shows. Currently working as a bartender, on Friday nights Kristine is the bar’s main attraction for Rockin’ Country Nite. Sometimes the girls dance with her and “sometimes we spray water.” Guess she doesn’t want the folks to know she’s into wet T-shirts. She tears up Heart’s How Do I Get You Alone and is the first female we’ve seen who is top 10 material.

Ryan Mawla, a transgendered 17 year old from Almonte, is auditioning to send a message about being yourself. Ryan is a girl trapped in a man’s body and on May 1st he began his transition to a complete sex change. So much for accepting yourself the way you are. He takes a shot at Winehouse’s Rehab. The voice isn’t bad, but Ryan has absolutely no rhythmic flow, which is what soul is all about.

We head for Hamilton and the producers oddly choose to start with another singer doing Rehab. Nicholas J. Gordon is a bearded 16 year old who looks like he’s in his 20s. A kid trapped in man’s body. He’s got an affected harshness to his tone, but he’s also got the flow. With reservations, they give him a ticket.

Rufus, a 26 year old from Kitchener, does the first disco song of the night, KC and the Sunshine Band’s Get Down Tonight. I know, sounds like a disastrous choice, but damned if doesn’t pull it off. That’s 2 gold tickets in a row

Barbara Griffore has a Minnie Mouse squeak for a singing voice and does From This Moment On, a song guaranteed to show off her bad side. She is followed by Bill Smith, a long haired 23 year old who sings so tunelessly he almost makes Barbara look good. You’d think after these two they’d give us somebody worth listening to, but we get 18 year old Sarah Dillon instead. Actually, Sarah showed some potential and Zack’s. “You are the worst singer we’ve seen so far this year,” was completely gratuitous. Maybe there’s an insult quota in his contract.

When she comes out she says, “I was good, but I guess that my voice was a little too strong.” Hey Sarah: #1, don’t lie to people when you’ve been caught on camera and, #2, get a couple of lessons and keep working at it. I’d like to hear you next year.

Jade Padua, a 19 year old theatre student from Pickering, has had her lessons. She gets a profile that includes a segment of her dancing in silhouette and she’s terrific. She does When I Fall In Love and she’s actually been over-trained. The performance is musical theatre, not pop. She gets the ticket, though. We’ll see if she can find her own voice.

We get a clip of Jessica Sheppard’s elimination last year. She was the last female eliminated before the live shows. She auditions this year with Killing Me Softly and I’m of the opinion she looks and sings worse now than then. But the judges put her through.

Twenty-six year old construction worker Adam Castelli is the last auditioner from Hamilton. He does a song I don’t recognize. He actually uses some dynamics and emotes without shouting. A well deserved gold ticket.

Before heading to Halifax we get a montage of some of the online auditions (a first for the global Idol franchises) and learn the process yielded 11 of the top 200.

In Halifax we meet Mark Day, a pudgy baby faced 19 year old with a great attitude. He does You Are My Lady. Farley tells him he gets breathy on the low notes and asks him to try again. He does and bangs the first low notes right in the center. He slips the next time through. Farley stops him, has him do it again and the kids gets them all. Nice to see an intelligent singer who understands what the producer is talking about and applies it right away. Jake and Zack say no with “no star power” used as the euphemism for not cute. Farley and Sass overrule them and Mark is headed to Toronto.

Lindsay Barr, 26, is a good looking rocker in black who kicks ass on That’s All Right, Momma. Everybody but Zack thinks she’s awesome, and Zack gives no reason for his rejection. Now I’ll have to read back through the other episode recaps to see if this is true, but right now I’m wondering if Zack is passing on people over 22-23.

Mitch MacDonald, from Port Hood on Cape Breton does You’re No Good. The judges were more impressed than I was.

Luke and Jock close the show with their submission for the Canadian Idol Original Song, I Got Turned Down By Canadian Idol. They’re a couple of good ole boys; clean nice pickin' and sweet harmonies. But daddy selling the farm to buy you a six string? Couldn’t have been much of a farm, boys.

Next week – Top 200 begins.